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Discussion on My Gelding Was Hit By a Car and Killed This Morning
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 11:32 am:
Guinness was 9, I was there for his birth, have not been apart from him for more than 2 weeks since then. He was starting his A circuit career, had a promising school last night. I was too lazy to get up to feed him this morning, so I paid my trainer to do so. He got away from her (not sure on the details of it), and they tried to catch him. He ended up on a highway and was stuck and killed. The woman who struck him is dead as well. I am torn apart. I am trying to keep busy. He nickered to me every day I came to the barn.
I am getting him cremated and am going to get the ashes. Not sure what I will do with them yet. I would like suggestions. I would like to either keep them or some, or maybe use them to grow something new.
My other horse is in surgery today to get her urethra operated on. Please pray she makes it through and is fixed and can be bred!! Well, at least pray that her pain is fixed and she lives!
Alicia
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Member:
Green007
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 11:50 am:
Oh Alicia,
That is awful. Words cannot express how I feel for you right now. I don't have any suggestions, but I do want to offer my deepest sympathy to you and to the family of the driver. What a sad, tragic day for all involved.
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 12:15 pm:
Debbie,
Thank you. I am actually glad for work today, it is keeping me busy which helps control the crying. It is like loosing a child. He depended upon me for everything. I keep thinking he probably would have come to me, he didnt' know the folks caring for him that well. I feel like a parent who's child got killed at daycare, wondering whether if they had been a stay at home parent things would have worked out differently.
I am sure I will recover, but I was there when he was born, I guided him to where he was now in training, people were finally beginning to recognize what a talented horse he was, and then this happens.
Alicia
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 12:16 pm:
Oh My God Alicia - I'm so sorry for the double tragedy and hope and pray your other horse is Okay. Please take care of you at this point. As for the ashes, I had Sierra cremated also. I bought a beautiful little covered container from a gift shop, ceramic with a southwestern design, etc. I place a few of her ashes in that to keep. These are to be scattered with mine when the time comes. The bigger portion of ashes, my son and I scattered on a large rock overlooking the San Rafeal Valley near his home in Sonoita, AZ. Later he made and placed a marker by the Rock, with her name, birth and death date. She is free to fly with the angels as is your gelding.
Much love and peace to you and yours, Shirl
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Member:
Qh4me
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 12:30 pm:
Alicia,
I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. Something similar happened down our way, where a bunch got out of the fence and got out on a major highway, 5 of them were killed. It just makes my stomach sick to think of this happening to you. What an awful tragedy for you and the family of the driver. May you find the strength to get through this, and I offer you my deepest sympathy.
Shawna
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Member:
Paix
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 12:30 pm:
ah - Im so sorry - how terribly tragic for everyone. A friend of mine lost her long-time beloved stallion of 16 years only 2 yrs ago. She had a diamond made from his cremation and she wears it every day - as a pendant.
My thots are with you and everyone this has touched.
peace...
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Member:
Chrism
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 12:32 pm:
I am so sorry for your loss and the driver's family loss. What a terrible tragedy.
I recently lost my dog to cancer. Someone made me aware of this web site:
www.mycrystalcompanion.com
I've not really decided what to do with my dog's ashes. Part of me wants to spread them at a location he really loved and part of me doesn't want to "lose" what is left of him. So they are sitting in a tin on a counter in my kitchen for the moment.
I am sure you are going through a painful time. I just wanted to tell you I feel for you.
<<hugs>>
Chris
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 12:35 pm:
Shirley,
That is a good idea to keep some to be buried with me. I will definitely do that. Thanks for that.
Shawna,
It is hardest as he was my bright future. I told myself a little while ago to dwell on the times we had together not the ones we won't be able to now.
Dina,
That is an interesting thought. I haven't done a web search yet, but that is a neat idea.
Alicia
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Member:
Jodeen
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 12:54 pm:
Alicia,
what a horrible tragedy, my deepest sympathy to both you and the family of the driver. I think it is a beautiful thought to use part of his ashes to grow something. A living thing to remind you of his life with you. I have two horses buried on my property both with a bush planted ontop to remind us of their life, and that life does continue. again, I am so sorry for your loss, and the pain you must be going through, my prayers are with you and the family.
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Member:
Sunny66
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 12:56 pm:
Oh Alicia, I'm so very sorry, how terribly tragic. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling...((((Hugs)))) to you.
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Member:
Sparky
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 12:57 pm:
Alica - words aren't really enough in a time like this. As Shirley said you need to look after yourself. Survivor guilt is something that can eat you up. Don't second guess yourself. We make thousands of decisions on a daily and even hourly basis that come and go without our even realizing it. It is when something happens that we zero in on that one moment it time that we wish we could go back and change. Focus forward and cherish the memories of the past. Grieving and crying are a healthy process that you must go thru. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and the family of the woman who was killed, and for your other horse. You will be on an emotional rollercoster for a while but as unfortunate as the saying is - time will help heal. Keep us updated on your mare.
Janet Schmidt
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Member:
Miamoo
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 1:03 pm:
I am so sorry! You compared this to a child and it is much the same. These horses are our children. We feel responsible but yet can't control all the decisions they make. It is not unreasonable to have someone else take care of your horse in the morning. Many of us have that too.
If you would like help the local hospices often have grief counseling. In my area, grief is grief, it would not have to be a person. I hope it is the same in your area.
My sympathy is with you!
Ella
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Member:
Mrose
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 1:12 pm:
Alicia-I'm so sorry. What a tragedy! You can't blame yourself for not being there, however. You can't know what might have happened if you had been. Sometimes these horrible things happen regardless.
When I lost my wonderful old gelding that I'd had for almost 30 yrs., we buried him on our property and planted a raspberry bush over him. (Raspberries were his very favorite treat.) We are lucky that we live where we could do this. We now have several of his friends buried nearby (who died of old age.) It's become a place of quiet reflection and wonderful memories for me.
If you don't want to bury his ashes, maybe plant an apple tree or something in his memory.
Dina-what a good idea! Where in the world did she find someone to do that?
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Member:
Canter
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 1:19 pm:
Alicia,
My heartfelt condolances to you. What a sad, sad thing to happen, all the way around.
My thoughts are with you.
Fran
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 1:44 pm:
Anyone know the Ph of ashes? I want to start looking for something beautiful, but a little temperamental, and that springs forth from the ground like my Guin did when he jumped. It must also be hardy and like the cold  I live in Chesapeake Beach, Maryland. I figure someone here must be a gardener.
JoDeen,
Thank you. I like that idea too. I know some friends of mine cut off his tail hairs and washed the blood (crap, crying again) out of it and took it to the barn. I plan on doing something with that too.
Aileen,
It comes and goes. My head hurts quite a bit though. I have never felt like this before. Hope this doesn't incite anyone, but no human death as ever caused me this much pain. I don't have children, but I imagine it must be like losing a child.
Janet,
You are right, of course, and thank you. I will post on Lilly when she is out of surgery.
Ella,
You know, I think I would rather talk to folks who knew him, and I am doing that. I am going to Yellowstone next week with my husband. I think that will help me heel (trip was planned months ago).
Sara,
He already has a yoshino cherry planted for when he was born. I will make sure my parents keep it well!
Fran,
Thanks.
Alicia
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Member:
Gwen
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 2:21 pm:
Oh man, Alicia. I am so sorry. My first pony went that way and it is so tragic. For me it was those details (mane) that were tough. I hate to bring that up, but I wanted to remind you that we are all able to feel that pain with you. I have never met you, nor will I probably ever-but I feel super close to you right now... Keep your chin up.
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 2:26 pm:
Alicia, DO NOT feel guilty about missing your boy more than you've missed some humans that have past. I've been through the same experience since Sierra passed nearly a year ago. Only one person's death was more difficult to deal with and that was of my father, to whom it I was extra close. Sierra was my life-line going through a difficult period in my life. I know how you feel.
Love and hugs, Shirley.
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 2:45 pm:
Gwen,
I feel for you. This is the worst emotional pain I have ever felt. I am reading boring work stuff between posts, makes me forget a bit.
Shirley,
See above. This is the most I have cried in my life. Worse even than when I was 15 and found out I had type 1 diabetes. Worse than when my favorite aunt died, worse than when my last two dogs died, worse then when my Grandfather died. I hate to actually name events, but I am just in pain. I can concentrate, amazingly, on work, better than usual. Did you know that using low thrust high efficiency electric propulsion at a lower thrust level more often and for longer periods than higher thrust thrusters actually makes momentum management easier? I did, but reading it in a published paper and knowing it will make my job easier makes me less sad. Never thought I would find work comforting.
Alicia
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Member:
Lhenning
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 3:03 pm:
Alicia,
Such a tragic event makes words seem too simple to express my feelings. It brings tears to my eyes, as I'm sure it does to many others here at HA. I recognize the name Guinness from your previous posts and it gives me the feeling of having known him, even if only through words. Things happen so fast, in the blink of an eye, and leave us gasping long after. My deepest and most heartfelt sympathy to you and the family of the driver.
When my basset hound, my best buddy, died of cancer, we had her cremated and spread her ashes in her favorite place to run. Personally, I think the grass grows greener and thicker in the spot we laid Maggie's ashes. I am a gardener, and wood ashes are acidic, (not sure about mammals). Some plants that like acid are coniferous trees (those in the pine family), azaleas, and rhododenDrOns. One life becomes another.
Peace, and best wishes for better days.
Linda
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Member:
Warwick
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 3:20 pm:
Alicia, this is terrible news. Do not allow guilt to creep in. It was not your fault. Just a freak accident which all of us with horses know can happen so easily.
I live very close to a huge park that is full of miles of horse trails. There have been accidents in the past years where horses have thrown their riders and bolted on to the road in front of cars. I drive by that park every day on my way to and from work and pray I'll never be faced with a loose horse on the road.
I feel so badly for you and the driver's family. It is a tragedy for all.
Sue
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Member:
Chrism
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 3:36 pm:
Still missing my dog, I periodically light a candle for him here:
https://www.gratefulness.org/candles/enter.cfm
I also do the candle lighting ceremony on Monday evenings at 10 eastern time.
I am about ready to start a "memories" journal for him with recollections and photos.
You can also have a bracelet made from his tail. I think the company is called "Pony Locks."
Just some additional suggestions.
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 3:45 pm:
Linda,
Thanks for the help. I am going to try really hard to make my plants I plant for him look good. Got suggestions for a nice red clematis (quirky and cold loving, but bold), a columbine variety called Guinness, hydrangea (because they change with the acidity of the ground), and it has been suggested I try to find a tree that will fit him.
The tree would need to be hardy in the Chesapeake Bay area, be dark barked, stocky, and have long leaves or branches as his tail dragged the ground.
Christine,
I am looking into doing that. Some friends cut off part of his tail for me and washed off the blood. I will use that.
Alicia
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Member:
Dyduroc
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 3:50 pm:
Alicia, my heart is heavy with sorrow I'm feeling for you and everyone else who's suffering from this tragic accident. Please do not add guilt to your already heavy load. It was a freak accident with dreadful consequences and now it's history.
Wishing you peace, courage and strength to help you through the coming days. I'm also praying your mare comes through the surgery with no complications and is home very soon.
With deepest sympathy,
D.
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Member:
Albionsh
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 4:02 pm:
Alicia, my heart just broke when you spoke of washing his tail to keep for memories. I lost Donny's mom when he was only four hours old, and there was nothing that could be done to save her. There is such an emptiness in the place that was filled with joy, lost hopes and forsaken dreams. I guess the best that can be said is this, "Guinness, I am a better person for having known you..." Thank you for the strength you are sharing with all of us. I am amazed at your beautiful way of coping through the pain.
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 4:27 pm:
Nancy,
I really AM, the saying is absolutely correct. Never thought that saying really meant anything, but it is totally true in my case. I started with him being a brat, expecting things to come easily. I spent the next 9 years realizing you can't rush, and you have to be consistent. He really has made me a much better person. I just wish he could still be around to enjoy the better me.
Oh, Lilly came through the surgery with flying colors. She will have to be caslicked to be bred, but the urethra repair went well.
I am glad I kept calling for progress on her, as the doctor had forgotten to take her muscle biopsy!
Alicia
Alicia
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 4:31 pm:
Oh, I want to post one of the last photos I took of Guin. He and my Collie are kissing.
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Member:
Paix
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 4:40 pm:
The company that helped my friend is called:
Guardian Animal Aftercare
818.768.6465
https://guardianaftercare.com/
They are in Los Angeles County, but Im sure they know of other companies that have the same positive reputation and offer similar services.
Sending warm hugs and white light to bring you through. Rest and take care of you.
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Member:
Dres
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 4:47 pm:
beautiful picture, and like the rest am sorry for your lost... speaking of planting something to grow, that is what I always do for my animals and my human family...
when I lost my first brood mare I was devastated.. sick for months... she had broke her neck in my pasture... later, when I was ready I went out to buy a red rose tree, she was a blood bay apply sport horse... I cried at the nursery picking out the plant... my husband and I put it in the back of the pick up to bring home, he took a corner to quick and the tree fell down... yup, broke it... I was a mess... husband used duck tape and still planted the tree... it grows tall / red / and strong in the front of my barn... my rose tree for Dresden Silk with a broken neck too...
On the first day God created horses, on the second day he painted them with SPOTS..
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 5:00 pm:
Thank you for sharing Ann. It is still very hard, but now that Lilly is doing better, I am a little happier. I guess the timing that I thought was so bad (one horse showing and the other getting surgery at the same time) was good after all. It is helping me a lot to know that I was able to help her.
Dina,
Thanks for the link. He was cremated a few hours ago. I suppose I will have the ashes when I get home from my vacation to Yellowstone that I am leaving on Monday. That will give me some time to come to terms with things.
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Member:
Ginger1
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 5:25 pm:
Alicia,
My sincere condolences on your terrible loss. He was a beautiful horse and my heart aches for you and the family of the driver.
Gigi
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Member:
Lilo
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 5:31 pm:
So sorry for your loss, so sorry for the driver who died in the accident, and her family. What a terrible thing to happen.
My deepest condolences,
Lilo
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Member:
Oscarvv
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 6:20 pm:
My thoughts and prayers are with you and the drivers family. I am so sorry that you lost your dear horse.
I never felt more pain then when my horse died last December. So I totally understand how the pain can feel worse than any human loss. Do take care of yourself. I highly recommend the tissues with lotion in them...helps keep the nose from being blown raw.
(hugs)
-Barbara
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New Member:
Kayababy
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 15, 2005 - 7:01 pm:
Alicia-
What a beautiful boy... and such a loss. Nothing more I can say than my thoughts and prayers are with you & yours, Guinness, the driver and her family. I have been choked up all day reading these posts... what a sad day. Best of luck with your mare. If she does recover, I will be happy to offer you a free breeding to one of my WB Jumper stallions (Coromino or Rhythm & Blues)...if you are interested. I am sure the last thing you want to hear about is breeding another horse...but the offer still stands when the time is right, come see me when/if it is (www.heritagemanorfarm.com) Hugs.
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Member:
Paul303
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 2:27 am:
I've been involved with horses since the sixties, and an owner since 1970. I thought I'd suffered some very traumatic partings ( groundhog hole leg break, lightning strike, broken humerus in flat sand paddock????and having to euthanize my pal I'd owned for thirty years), but they all pale in comparison to what you've been through. My heart is aching for you - I know the long journey ahead.
There is nothing quite like this searing, crippling pain, and, yes, work is a refuge. I deal with these things by putting away all obvious reminders and closing my mind to thoughts of them.
When the time comes that the memory of them brings only warmth, humor, comfort and love, I know I've turned the corner. This is when I can let down the barriers I've created. I do this because I believe that my horses are a joy, a refuge, a gift. I cannot bear to allow myself to associate the thoughts of them with pain, sorrow or anguish. That is not the way to honor their immense generosity of spirit and extraordinary heart. For they are about so very much more than the jarring pain their departure brings....yet the very enormity of their passing, though only a moment, threatens to overpower the years of fulfillment they gladly supplied, with a curtain of darkness.
Sometimes in our lives, there come times when it is necessary to be selfish. Indulge yourself in whatever you need to for as long as you need to. Pamper yourself with whatever you think will help. This is your mourning period - you need it. Just remember not to mix your mourning with your memories......then, when the mourning is done, your memories can return unmarked by pain, to lighten your life, and lift your heart forever.
God Bless
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Moderator:
DrO
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 9:12 am:
Somehow condolences alone here seem inadequate Alicia. My prayers go out to you, the family of the of the car's driver, and your horse having surgery today. I will be thinking about you a lot as I am sure will any horse owner who reads this. No doubt your grief here will have everyone else double checking their tack and latches and will save others a bad experience. This is not much to offer compared to your current sadness but hope it is something that helps.
DrO
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Member:
Ajudson1
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 9:35 am:
Alicia,
I was too choked up to post last night when I read about what happened. I still can't find any words, just shake my head at the thought of what everyone is going through. I have been so busy lately I've barely seen my horses. I've been watching my kids and husband come and go, barely registering what anyone is saying or doing. The highlight of my day is reading the HA posts that interest me. And along with that is sharing sorrows like yours, we are all one big family.
Today, and everyday, I will take time for my horses, and my family. All ready did this morning. And I will keep you in my prayers as well as the family involved in the accident.
Time. Time will heal your pain.
Take care of yourself.
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Member:
Frances
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 10:33 am:
Oh Alicia, I've only just turned on my computer, and was horrified as soon as I saw the title of your thread. What a beautiful horse - and what an ugly tragedy.
My deepest sympathy goes out to you and the driver's family, and I wish you the strength to heal, to keep the wonderful memories, and to let the pain go.
Lynn
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Member:
Tangoh
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 12:27 pm:
Alicia,
I cannot express my condolences deeply enough through words on this thread Alicia. Nor can I even begin to imagine your pain and heartbreak. My heart goes out to you for your loss and for the family of the driver. I was able to keep my emotions at bay until I saw the picture of Guin. Hold tight to your memories. They'll get you through this tough time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 2:42 pm:
Everyone,
I can't stop crying. This hurts so bad. He was my life (well the biggest part after my husband and family). He was just coming into his own. I worked SO hard on him and with him. We trusted each other. He nickered to me when I entered the barn, even when I was 100 feet away. He came to me from the field every time I called. I am so sad, I am sick.
Gigi, Lilo, Barbara, Angie, LL, everyone,
Thank you.
Amy,
That is incredibly generous. Your stallions are INCREDIBLY beautiful and very well bred. I still have a contract for Voltaire semen, though. They extended it for me because of the loss of the foal. So, I am going to try again in the spring with him, after she has a chance to heal up. If you still want to do this after this one is born, I will take you up on it then. I know that is about 1.5 years from now, but I am bookmarking your site ;)
You have made me smile through the tears!
Lee,
I hope you don't mind, but I have forwarded some of your post to some friends. I would also like to use some of it in Guinness' memorial I am going to put together. Written so well!
Dr. O.,
I thought I wouldn't care if people consoled me, as nothing can make up for the loss of my baby. However, this is helping, and I will keep all the posts I get to add to my collection of things about him.
Sherri,
I am so glad I took that photo!! I have others too, but the curiosity and "you don't scare me you little mutt" look on his face just makes me smile. Plus, I can see my dog and know he is still with me.
Thank you all so much!!!
I am going on vacation to Yellowstone Monday (serendipity that we planned this months ago), so I won't be back on till the 28th, but please everyone know, I will read this as soon as I get back, and this is all making me feel comforted.
Alicia
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Member:
Mrose
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 3:23 pm:
Alicia,
Have a wonderful time in Yellowstone. It is such a magnificent place no words can aptly describe it. It will be a healing place for you, I think.
When my wonderful friend Kelly died, after I'd had him for almost 30 yrs., it took me a long time to recover, but i did, and you will too, although you will never forget your beloved Guinness. Kellee died 13 yrs. ago, and there are still times that I miss him. He was one of those very special horses that you are lucky to have even once in your life. Although he has never been replaced, I now have other horses that are very special to me in their own ways, and you will, too. I have a wonderful mare that is so close to me I am unaware of every asking her to do anything, whether I'm on the ground or riding. You will have other wonderful horses that will steal your heart also. A new foal by Voltaire will be a wonderful new start!
I'm so glad your mare is recovering. I hope you can enjoy your vacation without undue worry.
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Member:
Annes
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 6:24 pm:
Alicia, Your Guin was such a beautiful boy and I can tell by the picture how sweet he was. I have been silently grieving with you since I first read your post yesterday. I have lost 2 horses and understand the hole it leaves in our heart. There are no words to help but time will be the healer. Sometimes it helps to know that others have experienced your pain. I just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you have a restful vacation and I am glad to hear your mare will be fine. - Ann
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Moderator:
DrO
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 6:48 pm:
I am in tears too...
DrO
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Member:
Leilani
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 7:14 pm:
Alicia,
My heart goes out to you. My love for my horses is so strong sometimes it hurts. I know how you are feeling.
Leilani
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Member:
Morg1
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 10:33 pm:
Alicia,
I didn't post yesterday, because I didn't know what to say. I still don't, but I know what you are going through. I lost a mare 3 years ago. She was one of those horses that loved only one person, and that was me. I purchased her from people who didn't like her attitude, and didn't get along with her. I gave her a chance and she quickly turned into my best friend. I only owned her for 3 years before she died (from West Nile), but she was a horse of a lifetime. I can only hope that I have a relationship with another horse like her someday. I'm sure it will happen for you and me, but we will always remember the ones we lost.
Karen
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Friday, Sep 16, 2005 - 11:40 pm:
Alicia, Can't stop thinking of you in your loss,and I hope you have a restful vacation. I believe there is one special animal in our life time, and they can never be replaced, but remain in a special place in our heart. We can find other animals that become special in their own way, but not as much so as that One Special One if that makes sense. I've not tried to replace Sierra, though I'm told to move on. She passed during a full moon and they always remind me of her and that night. Your boy's spirit will be with you in ways only he can predict. With Sierra, I all of a sudden began to find new pennies! That went on for nearly 6 months, when it stopped as suddenly as it began, I was told, she'd moved on to another demension with a special job to do over the Rainbow Bridge. She remains close to my heart.
Another place you may contact to get a bracelet, zip pull, etc. done with your boy's tail is boyerbird@aol.com. She recently finished a bracelet for me, and it is special. She will e-mail you photos to choose from.
Peace and love, Shirl
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Member:
Paul303
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Posted on Saturday, Sep 17, 2005 - 2:12 am:
Though inadequate, words are all any of us have to offer. Words must replace the yearning of us all to hold you and shield you from the pain. My words are offered to you and are your's to use in any way you need to. Should they prove to ease your burden in any way, then it would be I, who would be grateful.
The vistas in Yellowstone provide the impetus for spirits to soar....allow it to happen.
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Member:
9193
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Posted on Saturday, Sep 17, 2005 - 1:27 pm:
Alicia,
My heart goes out to the pain and grief you are feeling and my heart goes out to the family of the driver...Two beautiful lives lost in one horrible accident..
May the understanding, compassion and caring from your family and friends help you heal as time goes by. I hope your mare continues to heal and your vacation to magical Yellowstone refreshes your spirit.
Deepest Condolences,
Debra
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Member:
Suzeb
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Posted on Saturday, Sep 17, 2005 - 4:45 pm:
My deepest condolences to you Alicia,
I have been hesitant to write, because I don't know what to say to offer comfort for such a tragedy.
Love, Prayers and Peace to you and your family,
Susan B.
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Member:
Canyon28
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Posted on Saturday, Sep 17, 2005 - 6:23 pm:
I am so sorry to hear about you horse being killed on a hwy. That is a horrible and sudden way to go. Having recently lost two of my favorite horses myself in August, one to a heart attack while I happened to be riding her and my stallion to a twisted intestine from being cast in his stall during the night. Lost my mare one day and the stud the next! Am still in shock. So many times Life is here one day and gone the next. A sudden death is the hardest to get through, because we can never prepare for it. With my stallion, much of my future plans were cut short, although I do have some frozen semen on him, some of my breeding program will have to be changed now.
I cut and saved the longest part of both of their tails. there are several people on the internet that will make you a beautiful horse hair hat band, bracelet,watch band,belt, or probably about what ever you can think of that can be made from braided horse hair. take care and try not to think about his empty stall and your empty heart. Someday, there will be another one to take away the emptiness you feel now, and replace it with love. They will be different, but just as wonderful.
chris www.canyonrimranch.net
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Member:
Sswiley
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Posted on Saturday, Sep 24, 2005 - 1:41 pm:
Welcome home Alicia,
I hope your trip offered space for you soul to breath a little. It's funny, I just returned from Yellowstone to find this very heart retching story. It is a good place to go to heal. Although I kept thinking how fun it would be to ride across Hayden Meadow. Maybe that is where Guinness is galloping now. Oh great, I'm crying again. Sorry if I did the same to you.
I am still holding it together after losing my daughters pony. I also kept her tail wondering what to do with it. When we were in the Denver airport I found my answer. There were some beautiful horse hair bracelets and other jewelry. Did you see it? It was in one of the local artists gift carts in the main eating area. I guess that part of the country has some talented horsehair artists. I came home and did some research. https://www.horsehairart.com/Index.html
This sounds like a great web site for some beautiful custom horsehair items.
Its funny that our paths are trying to cross, It sounds like you are in the Aerospace industry. GSFC ? My husband and I are both Aerojet (CA) nerds. I am temporarily retired (mom time).
Well good luck with finding your answers to heal your heart. I am afraid it might just be time, but I am looking forward to having some Teddy horsehair mementos, its nice to have something you can have close to you, and its a good excuse to tell people about your beloved animal and keep their memory alive.
take care
Shelley
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Member:
Paardex
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Posted on Sunday, Sep 25, 2005 - 6:56 am:
Dear Alicia,
I couldn't bring myself to react to your post because of the memories it brought up.8 Years ago someone took one of my mares together with her foal out of the stable and send them on the road, Mare was killed driver luckily[ I thank God daily] wasn't hurt the foal had to be put down later because of his old injuries. I like you was very attached to this mare never wanted to sell her homebred etc.
I hate to say this but it took years for me to recover sufficiently to enjoy my horses without undue fear [ it took some counseling to] The only thing I would like toadd to what all the others have said to you is: try to look out for being to fearful for your other horses and loved ones and if you get the feeling you do TALK about it. I wish you strenght.
Jos
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 29, 2005 - 11:34 am:
All,
Just got back Tuesday, and waded through work and messages. Yellowstone was nice and distracting, but getting back brought it all back. I have "gone off my feed" again, and am crying more.
Sara,
I hope that the new baby will be as special. I imagine being with it from birth will help recapture the special bond I had with Guin. Lilly is wonderful, but just not the same.
Ann,
Yes, just hearing the words does help
Dr. O.,
Thank you so much, it means so much to know that you are affected enough to cry......
Leilani,
Thank you.....
Karen,
Yes, I hope to recapture that. He will never be replaced, but I hope I can find a similar soul mate.
Shirl,
Yes, I can feel him from time to time. Unfortunately, and strangely, he doesn't seem happy. Maybe because I am not yet. I hope to feel him become happy soon, it makes me ache. Thanks for the link, I am going to search around for the best match for me and his tail.
Lee,
Words are enough. They do help, and I appreciate yours.
Debra,
Thank you.
Susan,
The words you sent are enough, thank you.
Chris,
I hope so, and beleive I will again be as happy as I once was, even without my boy.
Shelley,
We didn't go through Denver, but Dallas. I am going to search for a good way to preserve his tail. I plan on making a shrine of sorts with items I used on him, and plan not to use them again. I will use some of "his" items, on Lilly and her foal and maybe on a new horse, when I can make myself buy another. Yes, I work at Goddard. Work does help me not think too much about the pain.
Jos,
How horrible that someone did that on purpose!!! That is the only way this could have been worse. I can imagine what it must feel like and I am so sorry for you! Thank you for the wish for strength, I used to think I had enough for anything, but this has delt me a severe blow.
I have to go to a meeting and won't be on again till tomorrow, but will get on again then.
Thank you all!!!!!
Alicia
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Member:
Chrism
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 29, 2005 - 12:21 pm:
Alicia,
Another person made me aware of this artist:
https://www.portraitsbysuzy.com/index.htm
I was thinking of a river rock with my dog's portrait on it for my desk ...
I still miss him terribly, so I know you are missing your horse, too.
One person with more dog experience told me to find another sooner, rather than later, not as a replacement, but to honor the deceased dog's memory. I rather liked that.
I'm not yet actively searching as my hubby is not yet ready, but I think that thought will help me look.
I was also told the right dog would find me - certainly that has been true in the case of my horses and the dog who has gone to the Bridge.
One last wise person told me to be alert to "signs" from my deceased dog. Call me crazy, but several have been noted - wind chimes play songs for minutes when there was no wind and barking from upstairs when we enter the house with no physical dog. I can also imagine him with us on our evening walks, just out of my peripheral vision.
We have spent time talking about him, the memories are very sweet.
Grieving is a difficult process and a journey ... figure I am walking the same path with you.
Chris
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Member:
Sr26953
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 29, 2005 - 1:51 pm:
Alicia,
My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and the family of the woman who was killed. All I could think of to do was make a donation to the USEF Fund (https://www.usef.org/relief/donateStep1.php) for helping horses affected by Hurricane Katrina and Rita in honor of Guinness.
I hope you continue to allow yourself to mourn and that when you are ready a new horse will come into your life and bring you joy.
My best wishes to you,
Suzanne
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Member:
Hwood
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 29, 2005 - 2:24 pm:
Alicia, I am online again after being off for a few weeks, and I am so sorry to hear of the tragedy of Guinness's death and the death of the driver of the vehicle that hit him.
As a teen, I lost a horse that way, too. At the farm where he was boarded, he crawled under the electric fence to get to the grass along the road and as he crossed the road, was hit by a drunk driver. I know some of what you are feeling and understand what you mean when you visualize Guinness as unhappy. I believe with my whole heart that he IS happy and free of pain and running and playing and lazing around with the deceased equine friends of other HA members . . . and if he is sad, it is because he didn't get to tell you "good-bye," . . . and he is anxious to show you that he can perform any and all dressage maneuvers PERFECTLY now!
In the days to follow, be sure to continue reaching out. It won't make the grieving process go faster, but will make it more bearable. As you continue to function with other people and with your horse and fellow horse-loving friends, you may be surprised with the gift of another wonderful equine friend who needs your touch in the same way Guinness did.
May moments of peace and sweet memories come more frequently to you in the days to follow.
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Member:
Corinne
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 29, 2005 - 2:30 pm:
Alicia,
Just reading this post for the first time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. When I see my priest this weekend at mass, I will have him say prayers for Guinness, for your heavy heart, and for the family of the driver of the car.
I too don't have any children and the amount of love I have for my horse and dogs is immeasurable. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose them and it makes me tear up just thinking about it. I don't think it's unreasonable to feel that you having a more difficult time mourning Guinness that you sometimes do over the the death of a person. I think that might be because it's so easy to love animals, with so much intensity, because they provide an unconditional and uncomplicated love that most people can not duplicate.
I am not sure if you are spiritual, and even if you are not, I believe God will carry you when you can not carry yourself.
May God Bless you and Guinness.
Very respectively,
Corinne Meadows
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Member:
Corinne
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Posted on Thursday, Sep 29, 2005 - 2:36 pm:
P.S. and I believe Guinness will be running along side Him when God helps lift you up!
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Friday, Sep 30, 2005 - 2:11 pm:
Chris,
I have two dogs as well as my remaining mare. I love them both very much too, but I have only known them for a year so I felt closer to Guin. I know that with time I will grow even closer to them, and I am ADAMANT that I will not allow this tragedy to close me to relationships with other animals.
I am sorry for the loss of your dog. I imagine it must feel similar to what I am going through. I looked at the web site for the rocks, beautiful work, thanks for posting about it!
Suzanne,
Thank you, that means a lot to me and I am sure Guin would be happy knowing horses are being kept safe in his memory.
Holly,
I hope that is what he is telling me. I just want him to be happy. I hope to find a replacement, and I have been shown a few 3 year olds for sale this weekend at an auction close to me. I just don't think I can bear replaceing him yet. It is unfortunate as they are lovely horses. I also don't have my insurance money yet, so even if I did like one, it is a moot point. I do hope to replace him with a young horse so I can try to develop a similar bond. It won't be him, but I know I will never replace him, just enhance my memories.
Corinne,
Your thoughts about animals is truly enlightening. You are right about them. They don't demand, they just give.
Yes, I do believe. My church has been sending out parts of the book "the purpose driven life" and it has helped a bit. I hope that Guinness' afterlife is as full as the books say it will be for us humans and that this lifetime is miniscule compared to the eternity that follows.
I can't imagine God doesn't consider animals important, I believe he does.
Alicia
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Member:
Sr26953
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Posted on Friday, Sep 30, 2005 - 3:39 pm:
Alicia,
You will know when the time is right for a new horse. The right one will come along. Of course, the new horse will never replace Guinness, he will always occupy a special place in your heart, but there is room for another.
Suzanne
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Friday, Sep 30, 2005 - 5:13 pm:
Alicia,
It will all come together for you in good time. When the right horse comes along and as someone said, he/she will find you. It takes a long time when you are extra close to the lost one. It's been nearly a year since Sierra passed and I still can't believe she's gone. I miss her and still cry for her. I've not been able to think of replacing her yet - the time will come when things are right. I have to trust that. If it doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be.
Love and peace to your breaking heart, Shirl
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Member:
Angel77
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Posted on Saturday, Oct 1, 2005 - 6:46 am:
Dear Alicia,
There are no words to describe how much I feel for you and your tragedy.
I had to bury my 23 yr old cat in 1998 and I still see her in my dreams along with my 15 yr old dog that I put down just a year ago. The cat was buried under an avocado tree(bought especially for the occasion) and the dog was creamated(he was 100lbs) and spread on my rose garden. Both the tree and rose garden have flourished.
They will always live on in our hearts, mind and soul. We know they can never be replaced.
For me it was a matter of being able to create new memories with my new animals to keep away the depression of my lost loves. It took me awhile to figure this out. I hope your new animal finds you soon and can create some new memories for you so you can continue this journey we call life.
God Bless the animals and the people who care for them!!!
WTG
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Monday, Oct 3, 2005 - 2:19 pm:
Suzanne,
People are already sending me e mails with horses for sale, for adoption, etc. It is not filling me with excitement as it would have if I had sold Guin and knew he was in a good home, but it isn't make me say no way either. I have come to beleive that going on is the best way to deal with this, and helping the animals I still have has been very theraputic for me. Lilly's biopsy site is infected, so I haven't been able to get back to riding yet, and I hope I won't miss him a lot more when I get on her (she isn't nearly as athletic as he was), but she needs me, and that helps me get by.
Shirl,
I hope I can recapture some of what I had with him with Lilly's baby. I feel with all my heart that being there from birth was the main thing that brought me and Guin so close together. Also, I am a much better person than who I was when Guin was born, so hopefully this relationship can be absent from impatience on my part, and maybe be even better.
WTG,
I have his ashes, and received a few plants from nice friends for him. My mother, bless her, planted them all for me while I was on vacation. Unfortunately, they aren't in the right place, so I have to replant them. I will mix some of Guin in with the soil when I plant. I hope all three plants do well. I have to remember, just like riding, growing plants is harder when you "pick" at them. I have to make sure I don't water too much or fertilize too much in trying to make them grow better!
Alicia
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Member:
Angel77
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Posted on Monday, Oct 3, 2005 - 9:18 pm:
Dear Alicia,
Apparently animal legend in Big Sur says when a loved one passes on they are to be buried under a fruiting tree.
Recently I visited my cat who was buried on the mountain in Big Sur. I lived in Carmel and Big Sur for 15yrs. To my surprise all the plants around the area were dead. Oddly enough the avocado tree was fruiting and flourishing. It was the only tree living in and around the area.
Just thought I would pass this along. Everyone does things differently.
You are in my thoughts. I just know your new special animal will find you. They always do if you believe in the forces that be.
Thoughtfully,
WTG
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Member:
Pbauer
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Posted on Tuesday, Oct 4, 2005 - 4:14 am:
Dear Alicia,
I wanted you to know that in spite of everything,
there is a GOD who loves you, even when the
unthinkable happens.
I'm praying that GOD will help you gather your
resources, and revitalize your life.
My heart with yours...
Sincerely,
Tonya
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Tuesday, Oct 4, 2005 - 10:14 am:
WTG,
That is interesting..... That will make me feel better if not all the plants do well. I have a butterfly bush (dark knight), a clematis (a bright red one, his favorite color), and an elderberry. If the legend is true, I had better leave more than enough room for the elderberry!
Tonya,
I do believe that He sent Guinness to help me grow and teach me patience and how to love and accept myself.
I agree with what you said, but I know from experience that this is not the place to discuss religious matters.
Thank you, though.
Alicia
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Wednesday, Oct 12, 2005 - 10:06 am:
All,
I think I am ready to look for a new horse. I cleaned out Guin's tack closet yesterday, and I felt him saying "fill this with another". I did find one I liked, and almost had her, but the buyer decided not to sell.
I am going to start a new thread with what I am looking for.
Thanks again to all, it helps more than I ever realized to have folks to talk to and who understand!
Alicia
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Member:
Miamoo
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Posted on Wednesday, Oct 12, 2005 - 10:51 am:
There have been lots of us following your post. Probably many more than have written. I am sure that if you let us know what you are looking for and your price range you will have eyes all over the world helping you out. I don't know if we will find it for you but at least you will have lots of choices!
Ella
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Wednesday, Oct 12, 2005 - 12:44 pm:
Ella,
Thank you!!!
All, I am going to post under the classifieds area and call it "New Horse Wanted - Guinness Thread". I thought about saying "to replace Guinness" but it won't replace him, so I hope this is enough.
Alicia
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Member:
Canter
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Posted on Wednesday, Oct 12, 2005 - 1:58 pm:
Alicia,
Best wishes as you find a new friend. Your heart will guide you to the right horse and when you find the one, I wish you lots of slobbery kisses and warm nickers.
Fran
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Wednesday, Oct 12, 2005 - 2:15 pm:
Thanks Fran
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Member:
Horse4u
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Posted on Wednesday, Oct 12, 2005 - 5:24 pm:
It's a small world! I heard about your terrible loss on the news since I live in Silver Spring. I was on this website a few days ago and happened to see your post "My gelding was hit by a car...." and wondered "Is it possible?"
I was surprised that it was indeed a local accident. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sorry too, that you didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
I had to put my husband's horse down last spring and it was one of the hardest things I ever did. He had cancer and there was nothing we could do except let him die with dignity. I had the opportunity to spend a special morning with him. I groomed him as if he were going somewhere really special, let him graze and took pictures. The vet came and it was over quickly, but I was overwhelmed with grief. I took some clippings of his mane and tail to give my husband when he is ready.
Your grief must be so great since you didn't have a clue that you would lose your horse in such a horrible way. I think that having another horse will help greatly in your healing. It did with us.
I wish the best for the future. Don't beat yourself up about what could have been, should have been etc. The best gift you can give your horse is to continue with your love of horses and riding. They give us so much in return and I'm sure he would want that for you. Keep your memories and be grateful for every one of them!
Blessings and peace,
Vicki
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Thursday, Oct 13, 2005 - 9:46 am:
Vicki,
It was VERY hard. I probably would have been better prepared for ANY animal I own besides him dying. My mare was in the hospital that day for surgery, when the call came I expected it to be her. I would even have been more prepared for one of my dogs to run off. It was such a shock I really didn't beleive it for days.
I finally am at peace about him, though, with good thoughts coming from "him" most of the times I think about him. I think he did want me to go on.
Thanks for sharing
Alicia
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Member:
Paul303
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Posted on Saturday, Oct 22, 2005 - 1:55 am:
All the best to you Alicia, but be prepared for a time when you're "hangin'" at a show or clinic, and see a glimsp of a chestnuty sorrel head tossing in that characteristic manner, or a familiar tail draped sauciliy out the back of a horse trailer you're driving behind....and maybe a strange and unfamiliar horse turns suddenly to you, and, in a large liquid eye you see......for a brief second, that old "Hey! How ya do'in?". He's just checkin' in....let it warm your heart.
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Friday, Feb 3, 2006 - 10:02 am:
I had to post. The WONDERFUL folks at the Equiery (a local horse periodical) put a memorial in their February issue for me free of charge. It is in the middle of the magazine where the staples go. Very wonderful people.
It is acts like this that restore my faith in people.
Alicia
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Member:
Miamoo
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Posted on Friday, Feb 3, 2006 - 1:38 pm:
Hopefully a big beautiful picture for you to keep and remember him by!
Ella
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Member:
Aannk
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Posted on Friday, Feb 3, 2006 - 2:29 pm:
Well, no, but it does have the poems I wanted and was nicely put together. The photo is one I provided them of Guin and my Collie kissing through a car window 
I will keep it, though!
Thanks
Alicia
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