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Discussion on Euthanasia
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New Member:
Huntjump
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 12:37 pm:
I am looking for people's opinions/advice although I know it is ultimately my decision. Tomorrow I am having my beloved Gray Thoroughbred gelding put down due to cancer. He was diagnosed 3 weeks ago after having an unexplained fever for 3 weeks. He has deteriorated quickly the past 2 weeks and I have decided that in his best interest to have him put down. I do not want him to suffer and be in pain, and I do not want it to turn into an emergency situation that he goes into distress and then I have to wait for a vet. His appetite has been good and his attitude has been great but he can not get around without being on steriods (he has started having muscle atrophy) and he has to be on meds to keep his fever down, he has also lost weight in just 2 weeks. Anyway, my question is- Should I be present for the euthanasia? Friends, family and the farm owner feel it would be best for my emotional state if I was not. I have been spending every evening with him and plan on going to the farm in the morning and spending a few hours with him, say my goodbyes and then leave before the vet gets there. I have owned this horse for 15 years, he is like my child, but I have friends that are veterinarians and they say because they are so large, it is not pleasant watching them go down. I know they do not know what is happening and have no fear or pain. I was not with my last horse and with time I no longer felt guilty about not being there with him. I am struggling with whether I should be with him or not.
Does anyone have any opinions on this? I would just like to hear others perspective on this.
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Member:
Jodeen
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 1:02 pm:
kristen,
i am so sorry that you are faced with this. it is never easy to see your beloved animal suffer or think about having to put them down. ultimatly you have to ask yourself if you are strong enough to witness it. i have been there with two of my horses when we had to put them down. and it was a very peaceful death. they were allready laying down and the drug took effect quickly without incodent. i have never been sorry that i was there to hold them and comfort them in their last minutes. we lost a colt this year to a birth defect and the day he spent in the hospital before dying was so hard for me to watch cause he had to struggle for every breath he took. i was so wanting them to just put him down, but they had hope. just know that no matter what you have all of us at HA thinking and praying with you when the time comes. i just keep remembering with all my animals that there is so much worse things than death. and sometimes that is the most humane thing we can do for them.
lots of hugs
jodeen
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Member:
Hwood
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 1:50 pm:
Kristen, I agree with JoDeen about you knowing what you can handle. I guess I will ask you to ask yourself, "What is it that I fear the most? Feeling guilt for NOT being there to bring comfort to my friend or being there to see him leave this life?" I have lost several horses over the years, but those I put down purposely were all standing when the vet came. The drug works quickly, and the horses DrOp, sometimes over on their sides, and sometimes on their bellies, usually front ends first . . . and there are muscle twitches that last for a few minutes following the injection, though the horse is really no longer THERE in his body. For me, I wanted my guys to know that I was there for them till the end, although I have to say that putting the first one down (a mare I owned for 23 years and who had seen me through my teen years, college years and the births of all four of my children) was the most difficult of them all. If you are planning on having other horses in your life for many years, you will have to deal with eventually have to deal with putting them down, too . . . it's always sad, but for me, it has gotten easier to be there and to let them go when the time comes. It is not easy. You are doing the most loving thing for your horse friend.
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New Member:
Huntjump
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 2:30 pm:
I have had many horses through my life, 3 including this one that have died. One died on her own, and the last one and this one are being put down. I also worked on a breeding farm for several years and witnessed death and euthanasia. I am very emotionally attached to this horse and have found it very difficult to see him decline. It's not like him to barely get around. He has always been extremely energetic, running laps in the field when everyone else is grazing etc. I guess I just am not strong enough to watch him leave this life. Plus, everyone that is close to me keeps telling me I shouldn't be there. I love this horse so much.
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Member:
Hwood
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 2:51 pm:
I speak for myself, and I know that there are many other members who agree, when I say, "I understand and feel your sadness." It hurts like heck now, and it will hurt more, and you will find joy again, and will find comfort in the wonderful memories you have of your grey gelding. Rejoice in his life and personality . . . and in all that you have learned together.
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 3:57 pm:
My Dear,
I join the others in their thoughts and advice. My own experience: I would not let my beloved horse leave this life among strangers without those around her that loved her there giving her last hugs, food and lots of love. My son held her lead rope, she was told repeatedly how much we loved her. I stepped back, our beloved vet gave her the injection, and as she fell gently to the ground, my son released the rope and said he felt her last breath leave, the sweetest, warmest he's ever felt. Sierra's ears were forward, she had a peaceful look on her face, and I believe she knew it was time and was ready to go due to her illness. I had her cremated, kept some ashes, spread the rest in a peaceful mountain peak, and had a horse hair bracelet made from her mane/tail.
Do what is comfortable for you and what ever you decide, know we all wish you peace and comfort. Believe me, that spirit will live on and not be far from you. Love, Shirley
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Member:
Annes
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 4:24 pm:
Kristen, I am so sorry you are having to face this. I have done this once and somehow never questioned that I would be the one to be with her at the end. She was born on my farm (my only foal)and I had her for 10 years. I walked her out to the place she would be buried and waited for the vet. She required 3 shots before she fell but it was peaceful. My dog was there and he laid down beside her on the ground. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. You will have to decide for yourself but I can't imagine it being any less painful if I had not been present. I will have you in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.
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Member:
Redalert
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 4:46 pm:
Kristen
I will pray that you will feel at peace about ANY decision that you make ... I have had to euthanise many horses in my life, and have always found it so devastating that the actual death of my beloved animals was so traumatic for me (I swear like I had post traumatic stress synDrOme). I finally decided not to be present at the final breath, and have delegated my poor husband to take my place. I have found it so much better to live with the memories of their lives, rather than reliving those last moments over and over again ... the suffering is over for them quite quickly, but, by being there, I relived the last moments over and over way too many times. If you can spend the last few moments telling your friend goodbye, and then handing her over to a trusted friend(sometimes the vet is one) for the actual euthanasia, may be what is best for you and your horse. I am sorry for you having to go thru this, and I bet you were an exceptional owner, as I can tell by the way you are determined to make even your horse's death something "good" for your horse, too! God bless you both and send you both comfort. I'm sure God is waiting to welcome your sweet friend into His care!
Nancy
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Member:
Huntjump
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 6:15 pm:
Thank you everyone. I have decided to be at the farm when the vet arrives and to make my decision then on whether I can handle it. Nancy, like you I do not want relive those final moments over and over. I know in my heart that I have made the right decision but still tend to question myself on whether it is really the right decision. He seems bright and alert, but I then have to remind myself of how slow he is moving and without the steriods, he wouldn't want to move at all. He is terminal and won't get better only worse, I would have done anything to make him better but I just can't bare to see him like this anymore. I worry about him 24/7, it's so draining. The caretaker at the barn has tears in her eyes leading him to the field when he is off the steroids. Even on the steriods, they said he was just standing out in the field today, so not like him. This is just so unfair.
I appreciate everyone's support. It's very comforting to me.
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Member:
Corinne
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Posted on Wednesday, Nov 9, 2005 - 9:28 pm:
Kristen,
I would like to offer some encouraging words from an experience I had. Do you have a personal email? I would like to email you tonight but you don't have one listed on your email.
You can email it to me at LtSassy1@aol.com
Hope to hear from you.
v/r
Corinne
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Member:
Ntucket
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Posted on Thursday, Nov 10, 2005 - 10:10 am:
Kristen
I have put two horses down, the first I was not present (he was in pain at the Animal Hospital and I didn't want him to have to wait an hour for me to arrive), the second I was present for (probably because I felt badly about the first).
I went to the barn with champagne (both my horse and I love champagne), and groomed him as if he were going to a show and happily popped a million of his favorite peppermints into his mouth the whole time. Friends stopped by during our going away party and he was the center of attention. He was the vainest horse I ever encountered and he was thrilled with the attention. I had also worked with an animal communicator through the process who told me the he knew what was going on, that he was in pain and knew he wasn't getting better, had seen and certainly felt my worry and concern over the downhill slide, the vet's and barn staff's concern. She insisted that they know and look at their passing as a transition to their next phase in a much more peaceful way than humans. So we celebrated his life and had a transition party. Actually a very good memory for me.
That being said, the actual transition was longer and more difficult that I anticipated. I was glad that I was stroking his eye telling him that it was ok to go, but he struggled for a long time. That was very hard for me but because the timing his death was discretionary on my part, I felt it was my job.
The gift my second horse gave me was that the process showed me that it was a good thing I wasn't there for my first horse. I was not ready for him to go and his struggle would have devastated me which would not have been supportive to him.
So the short answer is that there is not one correct answer. Go with your instinct at the time and trust that the higher power pushing your instinct knows what they're doing and has chosen the right path for you.
If you want to discuss any of this off-board, please email me privately meadams@ nantucket.net (delete space after @)
My thoughts and prayers are with you
Mary
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Member:
Mrose
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Posted on Thursday, Nov 10, 2005 - 10:36 am:
I have been with every animal that I have had to have put down. I have felt that it was my responsibility; for many of them I was present for their entry into the world and felt I should be present for their leaving it. Also, all the animals that have had to be put down were my friends, and as difficult as it is to watch a friend die, they shouldn't have to die alone.
If you do choose to remain with your horse, be prepared that it might thrash around some as his life ends. At that point the movement is reflexive and not conscious. When done right, the animal is immediately unconscious and feels no pain.
My heart goes out to you; it is never easy, but is a part of, and a continuation of the "River of Life."
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Member:
Sunny66
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Posted on Thursday, Nov 10, 2005 - 10:53 am:
One of my vets actually lays the horse down, with tranquillization first, then administering the shot. Perhaps you could speak with your vet about it so it may not be traumatic for you?
I feel for you and send many ((((Hugs))) to you.
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Thursday, Nov 10, 2005 - 12:07 pm:
Sara, I agree with your philosophy totally. Sierra just gave a huge sigh and that was it. Had been tranquillized prior due to pain when she walked to 'the spot'.
Shirl
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Member:
Mrose
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Posted on Thursday, Nov 10, 2005 - 12:26 pm:
My vet usually gives a tranquilizer than "the shot," All the animals, big and small, just sort of "go to sleep." He is very compassionate and makes it as easy as possible.
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Member:
Huntjump
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 10:53 am:
Hello Everyone, I just wanted to Thank all you for your wonderful support. I am happy to report that I did not have him put down. Call it fate, but Wednesday night he had a huge, and I mean huge abscess burst on his chest. Thursday morning he was like a different horse going out to the field. So I waited patiently for the vet and the vet did an evaluation and consultation with me, spent alot of time with me and him and we decided that the amount of edema he had been lugging around from the abscess may have been the cause of his pain and discomfort. Everryone just assumed, my vet, Marion DuPont equine Center, this vet that the edema was from the cancer. This could have been festering for quite sometime and been "walled off" so we would have never known this was going on. Yes, he still has cancer and why he has the abscess, we may never know, could be a few reasons, a small splinter, or a tumor that ruptured, the vet said. But this could have contributed to the initial fever of unknown origin that began 2 months ago and then the edema, not wanting to move and muscle atrophy. The vet said what I think is weight loss on his top line is just loss of muscle condition. I jogged him down the driveway for the vet and he was happy to do it. We are still in a "wait and see" mode but this horse is his old self, rolling, galloping around the field and just loving life. So I couldn't do it, I had to give him the chance and give myself more time. It's like the vet said, we now know if he doesn't come through this abscess feeling better that it may be time. But we need to give this abscess some time and see if he continues to feel good and enjoy his life.
Thank you all.
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Member:
Frances
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 11:00 am:
Kristen, that is such good news. Sometimes wonderful things just happen. I do hope that this proves indeed to have been the cause of his recent problems, and that you have a lot of quality time together ahead of you.
All the best
Lynn
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Member:
Corinne
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 11:11 am:
Kristen,
I am so happy for you both! Enjoy and relish the time you have! Sending thoughts and prayers that now that his abcess has drained he will continue to feel like his old self!
Thoughts and prayers are with you!
Enjoy your day with Boomer.
v/r
Corinne
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Member:
Eoeo
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 11:17 am:
You are so lucky. We just lost a 2 year old race prospect that apparently had a similar abscess that we didn't find out about until it was too late and we lost him. It was a very freaky situation. EO
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Member:
Hwood
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 11:38 am:
Just goes to show that no matter how much preparation, thought and counsel we put into things, only God knows what each day will bring . . . and sometimes He shows His sense of humor . . .
I had a similar experience with my old General horse (there's a story about it somewhere on this site) only the vet had the barbituate all ready to inject when the horse jumped up and whinnied! Now THAT was one shocked vet!
Wonderful news, Kristen . . . savor each day. So happy to hear!
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Member:
Hwood
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 11:40 am:
P.S. Eoeo, did you lose the 2-year old because you had her/him put down before you knew about the abscess or because the abscess burst internally or what? It's especially hard to lose a young horse with so much promise.
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New Member:
Twhgait
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 11:46 am:
I read this thread with tears in my eyes last night, knowing it's a decision that we all have to make when owning pets of any sort. I am so happy for you and that things have turned a corner. I sincerely believe that horses know when to "give up" and when to keep going. Good luck to you both in the days ahead!!
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 11:53 am:
I add my words of joy and relief on the good news. Enjoy each moment, your dear horse will let you know when it's time. Meantime, enjoy the days ahead, and know we are all praying for a long life for your boy.
Love Shirl
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Member:
Annes
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 12:12 pm:
Kristen, Great news...your post made my day!
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Member:
Sunny66
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 12:54 pm:
What wonderful news! What a rollercoaster for you... big cyber (((hugs))) and a carrot and apple for that sprite boy of yours 
I too will add your boy to my thoughts each day! How about a pic when you get a moment to catch your breath?
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Member:
Eoeo
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 1:38 pm:
Holly, he went from bucking and playing on Tuesday morning to being dead on Thursday morning. He died because it burst apparently and went all through his system. We had him at a friend's place and we didn't know what we were dealing with. He went down and then died. We did a full autopsy, but the vet thinks it was a deep abscess in a muscle that blew up. EO
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Member:
Redalert
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 1:41 pm:
Wonderful news, Kristen ... every day from here on out, a special gift just for you and your beloved horse. Enjoy every day!!!! I know that you will ...
Nancy
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Member:
Hwood
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 1:52 pm:
Eoeo, thank you for your answer. (I think this might take the conversation away from the original topic, but I want to ask . . . How does a horse get an abscess in the muscle like that? A puncture wound? pigeon fever? bastard strangles? . . . I have never dealt with it . . . and it doesn't sound like there would have been anything you could have done to prevent the death . . . How would you be able to detect such a thing?)
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Member:
Vrich
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 3:25 pm:
Kristen-I have weighed this issue back and forth with you through the whole thread, wondering what I could handle and what I could not, seeing myself and my perfect boy, Polar, in your place. The fact that the abscess burst at just that moment is the pure definition of serendipity, the word I used to name my stable. You needed more time together and you have it. Peace and love to you both.
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Member:
Huntjump
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 5:26 pm:
Here's a pic of my boy, Boomer. The love of my life. He has a heart of gold and a wonderful spirit. I am optimisticly guarded but do feel that this was fate or serendipity so we have more time together. This has been an emotional rollercoaster on top of other personal things going on in my life, so I have been on dualing rollercoasters and hanging on to him by my finger nails. He's always been there for me and always made me smile and made me forget about other things, so at the time I have needed him the most, I thought I was losing him. I'm having problems posting the pic, too big, I will keep trying.
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Member:
Huntjump
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 5:46 pm:
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Member:
Vrich
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 5:48 pm:
He's adorable. The love of my life is a TB as well, honest, bright, with such depth of eye....perfect horses.
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Member:
Huntjump
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 5:52 pm:
Here's another. I did take these today. Forgot to change date on camera. Didn't take his blanket, abscess is pretty gross. 
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Member:
Redalert
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 7:41 pm:
Those eyes,that look ... priceless!!! He has a beautiful soul. It shows right thru those liquid eyes. A beautiful grey gone white ... you are truly blessed. Give him a long, warm hug from me,
Nancy
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Member:
Sunny66
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 9:52 pm:
What Nancy said
Now I have a picture to have in my mind when I think positive, healing thoughts for him...and for you Kristin, take care.
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Member:
Angel77
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 9:53 pm:
Dear Kristen,
I have been present at the end for all of my animals except one. I regret to this day not being there for her. It was impossible for me to fight traffic in time to get to the vets. I did try but she was gone.
I agree with everyone else in that, this is only your decision to be present or not. Yes in will be very emotional either way.
I am so sorry you are going through this. And I hope you know you are not alone. We have all been there and we all care deeply about our horses.
In my experience the last breath from my animals past their spirit through me. Even though I was hysterically crying I could definitely feel a soothing warmth unlike any other feeling. Knowing they were out of pain. On their way to heaven. Forever in my heart.
Nothing prepares one for death. It is just part of life. Yes it sucks!
God Bless you and Boomer
WTG
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Friday, Nov 11, 2005 - 11:15 pm:
WTG, I'd like to share with you privately a very spiritual experience my son had when he felt Sierra's last breath. If you'd like, e-mail me with your address at shirley4715@msn.com
Shirl
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Member:
Ajudson1
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Posted on Saturday, Nov 12, 2005 - 9:11 am:
Our internet provider was updating our service so I am jumping in on this late.
Kristen, I am happy beyond words that this has a happy ending for you! And thanks for sharing Boomer with us, he's beautiful, I love his eyes.
As I read all the posts above, it made me sad that I didn't have the courage to be with our Fancy when we put her down last spring. I had my husband and vet take her to the prepared grave site, and I stayed in the barn. When I decided to peek out, what I saw was Fancy being lowered into the ground, my last vision of her. My husband had to put her son down with a bullet a few yrs prior to that, that was really tough. (He broke his leg on the 4th of July, no vets to be found) No way could I witness him going that way.
I know from reading everyone's experiences here I will be with my horses when they leave this life from now on.
Shirley, I'd love to hear your story too, how about posting it under inspirational? If you'd rather not, that's fine, I understand.
(((Hugs)))
Angie
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Moderator:
DrO
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Posted on Saturday, Nov 12, 2005 - 10:11 am:
Excellent news Kristen,
DrO
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Saturday, Nov 12, 2005 - 12:17 pm:
Angie, I will do that for you later on today, for those that believe in spiritual happenings. Right now I should be cleaning house as I'm having company soon, and got as far as the computer. :o)
Shirl
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Member:
Huntjump
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Posted on Saturday, Nov 12, 2005 - 2:30 pm:
You all are such great wonderful people. It's nice to know there are such caring fellow horse people out there.
I am pleased to report that on Day 3 Boomer is doing great. When I turned him out this morning, he just galloped and galloped, stopped to roll (his favorite thing to do that he wasn't doing when he couldn't get around) then jumped up and did an extended trot down the field. The abscess is just a river of puss. Luckily a fellow boarder is a small animal vet so she did the deep cleaning for me last night, and she will be keeping an eye on the healing process.
I have received emails and phone calls from so many people. Sometimes you just don't realize how much support you have. I have 2 great vets, my primary and the other vet that treats other boarders horses who was actually going to put him down Thursday and treated his abscess because my primary was out of town. My vet and this vet cover for each other so she already knew all the details of the past 2 months. She was absolutely great, caring, and understanding and spent so much time with me talking about him and my options.
Now I just keep my fingers crossed that these great days for him continue, the abscess heals and he is just able to live his life comfortably for however long until the cancer does get the best of him.
I will keep everyone posted. I can't possibly express enough how much all of your support has meant to me these past few days.
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Member:
Lilo
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Posted on Saturday, Nov 12, 2005 - 4:02 pm:
Good luck, Kristen. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your special horse, Boomer.
Lilo
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Member:
Shirl
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Posted on Saturday, Nov 12, 2005 - 10:19 pm:
Angie, my experience is now in Inspirational, under Euthanasia the Spiritual Side.
Shirl
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Member:
Angel77
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Posted on Sunday, Nov 13, 2005 - 4:50 am:
Dear Kristen,
I am so happy to hear good news for you both!!! May Boomer live long and prosper.
WTG
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Member:
Brandi
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Posted on Monday, Nov 14, 2005 - 9:38 pm:
Kristen, I'm just catching up on these posts and am so happy to hear that Boomer is doing very well. I'm really glad I got to go from 'tears to happy' in just moments--the good that comes from being behind!
There are so many wonderful stories here, and I didn't feel I had anything more to offer, but after hearing what Angie said; that she wishes she had the courage...Angie, I want you to consider that your Fancy understood your fears and that maybe you were in fact doing what what she wanted you to do. Maybe she knew that it was better that you weren't there. Many people cannot have, or do not want to have, that experience to be their last memories of their beloved animals. Do not let regret cloud any of your memories--Fancy certainly does not.
I personally want to be there for my horses, and because I've seen others being put down I know mostly what to expect (I have yet to lose one of my own after 17 years--so far--thank goodness). I also know that when the time comes I may not be able to go through with it. And although this example does not apply in Angie's situation, the couple of times I've been present for a euthanasia, when an owner is not present, the staff that I've seen handling the horse has been the most loving, caring, considerate group of "friends" a horse could hope to have in such a situation--these horses were not alone by any means. I was so very impressed at the level of commitment and love I've seen them extend to these horses, it is just unbelievable. Maybe my clinic is "special" in that way, but I doubt it. These folks usually get into this profession because they love animals and want nothing more than to save them and help them. It breaks their hearts when they have to stop fighting for them and it really shows.
At least that is my experience and I hope it helps someone be at peace with whatever decision they need to make for the good of both the horse and the owner.
Kristen, may you have muck-buckets full of time before you have to think about this again!
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